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She was terrifying. A tall, blonde, vegan who was seven years younger than me – and she never wore a bra. She was my husband’s girlfriend.
My husband Per and I were exploring Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM), which is an umbrella term for non-monogamy that includes open communication, mutual care, and consent. The learning process was uncomfortable. We had dabbled in friends-with-benefits relationships while Per and I were in a long-distance relationship. But neither of us had ever sought a relationship in the way Per was now dating his girlfriend. And this new shift was uncomfortable.
They met on a dating app and their first date was a long walk on the beach. They exchanged Bernie memes, while my friends and I spent our weekends campaigning for Elizabeth Warren. Per came home giddy and I hated it. I resented the way he smiled when his phone buzzed. She was everything I’m not: a great cook, a carefree spirit with free time and excess energy – and she was even a better gardener than me.
After they were dating for a few weeks, all three of us met for a drink at a run-down bar on the harbor. I wore a flowing yellow dress that showed off at least four inches of cleavage. I put on new lipstick and clenched my jaw. She arrived wearing a colorful flowing dress as well. She wasn’t wearing a bra, of course. She was certainly tall, blonde, and beautiful. I felt she was different from me in every way. She was also just a woman.
We talked about politics and books and the shades of pink in the sunset over the ocean that night. We shared stories about our pets and teased Per for his bad puns. He had his hand in mine CharmRomance most of the night. He’d also reach out and touch her knee under the table. Continue reading “What I Learned From Dinner With My Husband’s Girlfriend”
